Things have been about as busy as can be in my life. Last week I worked 7 days. And for those of you that aren't aware, there are only 7 days in the week so that means I worked every single day. I was exhausted. I was also quite on edge and had at least 3 outbursts (thank god Fernando is patient!) I am frustrated people!! I do not do well when my life is all work and no play. I need to relax. I need to have fun. I need to buy vintage clothes!!! I had hit a wall. Some Blue Moon and 3 dips in the hot tub (yes, we have a hot tub) really helped. I am feeling much better.
So why am I working so much, you ask?
I was told by my boss that I need to try and have a car in 3 months. He said that when they hired me they assumed I had a car (don't ever assume people!) and wouldn't have hired me had they known I didn't. How is that my problem?? Anyways, I told him that I would do my best to have a car by that time so I have been working extra shifts at Macy's to make extra money.
Here is my dilemma. I do not make a lot of money. In fact, I had to fight to get paid what I do get paid at this new job. They wanted to pay me $10 an hour. Um...I DON'T THINK SO!!! I still only managed to get a couple dollars more than that. Meaning, I don't get paid shit!! Fernando and I have a mortgage, I have a credit card bill, a phone bill, a cable bill, and bus/trolley fair to get to work. After paying all of that I can save only $250 a month if I am lucky. This leaves me with a whopping $200 to last for 2 weeks. Out of that $200 I have to buy food and anything else I may need to keep myself pretty and entertained. Picking up a minimum of 3 shifts a month at Macy's gives me an extra $200 to put directly into savings. Lets see...$250 + $200 x 3 months = yeah, NOT ENOUGH TO BUY A FREAKIN CAR!!! I can not afford a car payment so I was hoping to buy a car for $2000. Doing the math though (and adding in the fact that I love to shop and suck at saving money) leaves me just a tad (a lot) short of my goal. Also, I was informed the other day that if I'm not constantly 'looking busy' I may have my hours cut because the owner has a tendency to 'over react' . Fabulous.
Even though I am complaining, I like this job. It is fairly easy. I can dress casual and listen to music. My coworkers are nice and the owner really isn't that bad (especially compared to my old Osmotics boss). There is an office cat and I get free goodies. However at the end of the day I am incredibly unsatisfied. I am working 8 hours a day, organizing someone else's life. Promoting and selling someone else's products. Making money for someone who is not me. All the while I am struggling financially, I do not have any health insurance, and I have zero job security. Not to mention, the longer I sit at this desk, drinking coffee and eating snacks (I eat when I am bored), I am worried I will gain weight. No bueno.
I have been refocusing a bit lately. I do not have all my thoughts clearly laid out just yet, but I am putting them together. I am 34 years old and it has become bitterly apparent that I am not a 'worker'. I do not thrive at work. I hate it and I resent it. I am also not a conventional person. I really need to think outside the box and put my creative shoes back on. They have been laying dormant for too long. It will not be easy and it will not happen overnight, but the longer I wait the longer I will remain unhappy. Fernando is having these same thoughts. So though we do not have a clear laid out plan, it is nice to be in this together. I am not 100% sure what it is I am going to do, but I feel I would be foolish to ignore the signs.
I know I am being a bit vague here. I am mostly just expressing my thoughts. There will probably be some changes here at my blog. I am thinking about a name change. Something to attract more readers (and yes, more companies). I want to invest in some better equipment. A tripod and video camera. Maybe I can venture into some You Tube videos. Also, Etsy and Ebay are always there and I should utilize them way more. I should make my own money. For me. Down the line I may even consider opening my own business. Its always been a thought. I truly have no idea where I would even start with something like that though. I will keep you all updated in any progress I make, of course.
Any comments, thoughts, advice or recommendations will be greatly appreciated!!